


Meant To Be Mine

by thorkified



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Sex, Insecurity, Jealousy, Lies, M/M, Manipulation, Mutually Unrequited, Secret Crush, Secrets, Young Thorki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 10:32:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Loki always wanted Thor to be his, there was nothing else that ever meant as much to him as his brother. So, naturally, when Thor begins dating girls as he gets older, Loki cannot stand it and makes sure he puts an end to those affairs. He hates hurting his brother, but the comfort he can give Thor in those moments slowly brings them closer together and maybe, just maybe, there is hope that it will not in a disaster just this once...





	Meant To Be Mine

At times, Loki wondered if his obsession over his big brother was creepy and wrong, or if he was merely giving into what feels so natural to him. For as long as he could remember he wanted Thor to be his and his alone, there was never anything he wanted as much as this. He loved his big brother, adored him even, and he was constantly on his mind, whether Loki was awake or asleep. Thor was always the center of Loki’s world, the sun he orbited around and that brought light and warmth to his life. Even when they grew older, this feeling never changed.

For all of their childhood, Loki’s obsession was innocent, almost pure, but things changed when Thor one day showed interest in others in a way that Loki highly disapproved. Due to Thor being older, Loki was still a kid when his brother began dating girls and he never hated anything more. He became angry when someone else touched Thor, felt the jealousy boil in his stomach when they laughed and flirted with him, to the point where he realized that he couldn’t let these things happen without going completely mad. Thor was his and he couldn’t allow anyone to take him away from him.

When Thor’s first girlfriend broke up with him, Thor was heartbroken and completely shattered. She gave him no explanation, other than things not working out between them, and when Loki watched his brother’s shoulders sink and his confidence crumble away, something inside his heart broke too. He walked over to Thor, who didn’t even ask where he came from or why he was there, and just pulled him into his arms to comfort him. It was the first time Loki realized how vulnerable Thor could be and how much he truly wanted to be close to him. Even in his sorrow, holding onto Loki’s arm as they both sank to their knees and he buried his face against his brother’s shoulder, Thor was all Loki craved for.

No girlfriend stayed long with the older prince and despite acting sad and understanding and comforting after every break up, Loki was far from an innocent bystander in all of this. Because those girls didn’t leave his brother without a reason and no one knew that better than Loki, as he was responsible for most of it. Apparently he had a way of scaring girls away that tried to steal his brother and it was very effective with just about all of them. And if it wasn’t, Loki was simply so clingy and constantly demanded Thor’s attention that they left on their own.

Doing this always made Loki feel torn and bad, especially when he saw his brother suffer, but no matter how much he tried to stop and to just let things happen, the thought alone of Thor leaving him for someone else was terrifying beyond anything else. Which was partially why he always comforted his brother every time, holding him and hugging him and trying to make him feel loved when he felt unlovable and lonely. The other part wasn’t as selfless, because he wanted Thor to need him, to stay with him, maybe even to love him like he did.

Loki hoped that Thor would one day just stop dating others, preferably until he had come of age himself to finally admit his true feelings, but of course Thor didn’t learn. When he came closer to adulthood, Loki had far more effective ways of making his girlfriends leave of course, but he still wished that his brother would see the truth himself finally. He hated hurting him like this, but his fear of losing Thor only grew stronger over the years and the fact that Thor was the dream of every Asgardian girl or woman as he grew older did not help at all.

One night, after Loki had scared away yet another of his brother’s girlfriends - this time bluntly threatening to cut her throat if she ever touched Thor again or told him about his words because he just had enough of it - Thor comes to him once more in complete distress. He just plops down on Loki’s bed, his head hanging low and his eyes full of sadness.

Loki crawls out from under his blanket to sit next to him - he had been ready to go to sleep at this point - and wraps an arm around his brother’s shoulder. Thor immediately moves closer to him, resting his head against Loki’s chest. For a long minute, neither of them speaks or moves, until Loki slowly raises his free hand and brushes through Thor’s hair with his long fingers, gently cradling his neck when he reaches it.

“Again?” he asks, his voice filled with honest heartbreak. Seeing Thor like this is never nice, never anything he can take without being hurt himself. When the blond finally nods, Loki presses a gentle kiss on his head. “It’s okay, she didn’t deserve you anyway.”

“You keep saying that, but what if it’s me who didn’t deserve her?” Thor asks and looks up at Loki with sad eyes. “What if I didn’t deserve any of them? What if I’m simply so unlovable and they all know it and leave before wasting their time with me?”

“You are anything but unlovable, brother,” Loki says sincerely. “Don’t even start to go down this trail of thoughts.”

“What is wrong with me then that they always leave, tell me.”

Loki’s heart breaks all over at this question and at knowing he caused his brother this pain. He cups his face with one hand, forcing himself to smile warmly.

“Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, nothing was ever wrong with you,” he assures him calmly. “They simply cannot see your greatness, but someone will, I promise. Someone  _ does _ .”

Thor looks at him for a moment before a smile creeps on his own lips too. His eyes are so gentle and kind, just looking into them makes Loki feel horrible about his own actions, but he cannot admit to them or Thor would hate him forever, he knows it. Instead, he brushes his thumb over Thor’s cheek, his smile softening.

“You will always have me, brother, don’t forget that,” he whispers.

“Thank you, Loki,” Thor smiles back, pressing his cheek against Loki’s gentle touch. “You have always been here to catch me up in these moments, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

_ Be happy _ , Loki’s mind whispers, but he banishes those words far back into his head where they cannot become any more powerful than they already are.

“You won’t have to find out, never,” Loki answers instead.

After another moment, Thor nods ever so slightly and pushes himself off the bed, away from his brother’s comforting and warm embrace. Loki reacts without even thinking, trying to follow Thor, but he doesn’t notice that one of his feet is still entangled in his blanket and instead of standing up, he manages to stumble and crash right against Thor’s chest. Surprised by the sudden situation, Thor is unable to hold himself up and falls backwards onto his brother’s bed, Loki following unwillingly and landing right on top of him. At this, Thor lets out a gasp that sounds more like a moan than anything else and Loki suddenly realizes where his hand has landed and pulls it back immediately.

They stare at each other in complete shock for a few seconds, both too surprised to say anything. Despite being the reason that Thor is in his room right now, Loki did not expect something like this to happen. It’s all he ever dreams about, touching his big brother like that, but now he is completely mortified by it and just waits for Thor to explode and to call him disgusting and a pervert and to just leave.

“I… I didn’t mean to…” Loki has a hard time pulling himself together, but something inside tells him that he can turn this situation around and so he does, without thinking about it. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s…” Thor’s voice trails off for a moment before he shakes his head and pushes himself into a sitting position. “I just… I’m fine...”

“I didn’t want to do that, I’m sorry.”

Loki looks like he wants to disappear on the spot, but he cannot help but glance over at his brother’s crotch and noticing the slight bulge there. It only fuels his hope that he saved himself from embarrassment and when he looks back up at his brother, Thor’s face shows a hint of red too.

“I should go to bed now,” Thor mumbles, trying to hide his blush by turning his head. “Thank you for listening to me, goodnight, Loki.”

Thor made it almost to the door when Loki finally speaks again, calling out for him. After a moment, Thor turns around and Loki lets out a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry, brother. I really am,” Loki says quietly. “I didn’t mean to do that, but I meant what I said before.”

“I know you did.” Thor smiles slightly at his words, losing a little of his tension. “I’m not mad, don’t worry. I’m just very tired.”

“Goodnight then, Thor,” Loki says, earning a little brighter smile.

“Goodnight, Loki.”

\-----

In the morning, after barely sleeping, Loki wonders how much he had truly disturbed Thor with the events of the last night. He’s rather nervous during breakfast while he’s waiting for his brother to show up, even though he shouldn’t be. When Thor finally shows up he surprises Loki with a rather content smile as he sits down next to him. They don’t talk much while they eat, as Frigga is caught up in a conversation with Thor very quickly and Loki doesn’t want to disturb them, but it doesn’t feel like his brother is mad at him and that makes Loki’s nervousness slightly better.

After excusing himself early to get ready for his battle training, Loki actually finds himself hopeful that there won’t be any bad consequences of this at all. After a while though, as Loki is practicing his aim, he notices that he has unexpected company. Thor sits a little away from the area Loki is in, watching him. For a moment, Loki is so surprised that he misses his target and nearly hits his instructor, who gives him a strict glance before telling him to concentrate better. Loki does, but not without new worries creeping up in his stomach.

When he is finally done, he still can’t imagine why Thor would suddenly show up to his training and walks over to his brother, expecting the worst. Instead however, Thor smiles at him and stands up, dusting off his pants.

“You are getting very good with that, Loki,” he says and Loki is actually stunned for a second at how honest his brother sounds.

“Thank you? Did you just come here to tell me that or?”

“I startled you, didn’t I?” Thor laughs and scratches his head awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I had some time to kill and thought you might want to hang out for a bit.”

“Hang out?” Loki raises his brow, more confused than ever before. Thor never hung out with him, he usually prefers the company of his friends or random girls, that he suddenly favors his brother comes as a big surprise.

“I mean, if you want to, of course,” Thor mumbles, slightly embarrassed. Loki immediately regrets his reaction.

“No, of course I want to!” he quickly says, laying a hand on his big brother’s back. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. But I have time, if you want we can grab something to eat and hang out.”

“Sounds great,” Thor says with a bright smile and wraps his arm around Loki’s shoulder as they walk away from the training grounds.

That afternoon is less awkward than Loki expected it to be, given they rarely spend a of time alone together. It’s actually quite nice spending time only with his brother, just talking to him as they walk through the gardens and the palace grounds. Thor is unusually at ease and seems to be very happy not really doing anything, even asking Loki about his lessons and trainings with honest curiosity and interest. At first, Loki doesn’t know what to think about this sudden change of behavior, but he can’t hide that he enjoys it a lot.

When evening comes and Thor is needed in the council for a meeting Loki isn’t allowed to attend, he’s actually sad that they have to end this nice day. Thor promises that they will talk later before running off to join their father in the meeting and Loki is left with a smirk on his lips as he watches his brother disappear.

This day, which Loki assumed to be a one time thing, marks the beginning of a change in their relationship. Thor still spends time with his friends and Loki still sees him flirt with girls every now and then, but it doesn’t seem to be as serious as before anymore and Thor spends way more time with Loki alone. They play chess - Loki has to teach Thor because he really has no clue about the game at first, which is lots of fun - they ride out together, sometimes they talk until late at night about their days.

It’s a change Loki cherishes a lot, as it finally gives him the chance to get closer to Thor and that makes him very happy. At first he was confused and surprised, but it quickly became clear that Thor really wanted this and that he enjoyed it just as much. 

One night, when they are sitting on Loki’s bed, sharing a bottle of mead Thor stole from the kitchens and getting slowly tipsy, Loki actually laughs so much about one of his brother’s stories that he falls over and lands on his lap. At this, he laughs even harder, just as Thor, but he doesn’t miss that his face is pressed against Thor’s stomach, only inches away from his crotch. Loki blushes hard at this thought, but due to the alcohol in his system, Thor doesn’t realize it luckily.

When Loki pushes himself up again, he nonchalantly brushes his hand over his brother’s thighs and his crotch, pressing against him just enough to make it obvious. Thor’s eyes drop at this, looking into his brother’s green ones.

“You alright?” Thor asks, to which Loki smirks mischievously.

“I’m great,” he breathes, sitting back on his legs. He quickly glances over at Thor’s lap, experiencing a wicked little sensation when he sees that his tough did not go by without having an effect on his brother. “How about you?”

“I think I’m good…” Thor mumbles, his eyes still glued to Loki and alluringly unfocused. His cheeks have a hint of red and Loki thinks he knows exactly why. “What was I talking about?”

“About Fandral nearly getting eaten by a bear after mistaking it for a rock while being drunk,” Loki reminds him, taking another sip from his mead without breaking eye contact. “And all of you laughing as he fought it off.”

“Right…” Thor huffs, then smiles slightly. His eyes focus again and he finally blinks, breaking his fascinated glare. “He wouldn’t stop yelling at us for hours.”

“That truly sounds like him,” Loki laughs behind his hand, playing more shy than he feels. He likes this a lot, just them joking around and being together. “Tell me, why don’t we go on hunts together?” He suddenly asks, following a new trail of thoughts. He leans a little closer, a curious gleam in his eyes

“I… didn’t think you’d want to?” Thor blinks surprised, turning his head. “I never thought you would be interested in hunting to be honest.”

“You never asked me, actually,” Loki pouts and reaches for the mead bottle again to refill his chalice.

“Would you like to go on a hunting trip with me?” Thor asks, reaching for the bottle before Loki can put it away. His fingers linger over his brother’s and their eyes meet only inches apart.

“Are you only asking me because you pity me?” Loki wants to know, but Thor shakes his head immediately.

“I would never.”

“I’d like to do that one day, yes,” Loki smiles, his fingers slightly entangling with Thor’s around the bottle. “You’re always so excited when you come back from those trips and you have so many stories to tell… I would love to be a part of that one day.”

“I’ll take you with me, I promise,” Thor smiles and brushes his fingers over Loki’s absentmindedly. Then, he pulls the bottle closer, still holding Loki’s hand as he takes a huge gulp and empties it completely. “Soon.”

Loki likes where this is going. Thor still holds the bottle and with it his hand and it’s a feeling that gives Loki so much more than it probably should. But he wants it, even if he shouldn’t, he does. After a few moments, Loki lets go of the bottle and it drops on the bed, but Thor’s hand doesn’t move and he smiles at him.

“I like spending time with you,” Loki says quietly, the mead loosening his tongue over this very sensitive matter for him. “We are different, I know that, but it’s nice being with you. I missed that a lot, really.”

“I enjoy it too,” Thor smiles back, his voice soft and heavy and slightly husky. It’s a soothing and lovely sound to Loki’s ears.

“Don’t you miss your dates, though?” Loki wonders, his eyes dropping to their still entwined fingers. “You didn’t really… go on any recently, right?”

“No, I didn’t,” Thor sighs. “I just feel like it’s not worth it, you know? I’ve wasted so much time just to be unhappy in the end, I don’t want that anymore.”

“Are you happier like this?” Loki looks up, sincerely curious and hoping to not be disappointed. “I mean, when you spend time with me instead?”

Thor doesn’t answer for a moment, just looks down at Loki’s hand that he holds. His thumb brushes over the back of Loki’s hand slowly and there is a warmth in his eyes that Loki has rarely seen before.

“I’m much happier like this, yes,” he eventually answers, searching for Loki’s eyes again. “You’ve always been by my side, Loki, no matter how often I came to you over the same thing. You never pushed me away.”

“Why should I push you away?” Loki asks surprised. “Would you do that if I was hurt?”

“Of course not!” Thor answers, visibly shocked by this question. “You’re my brother, I would never push you away if you need me!”

“Then you know I would not either,” Loki smiles. He slowly pulls his hand out of his brother’s, not wanting to but knowing that if he doesn’t, he might fall victim to the way Thor’s touch makes him feel and it wouldn’t be good, not now. He empties his chalice in one go, concentrating on the rich liquid in his throat in order to keep his thoughts under control. When he puts it away, he can feel his head becoming slightly heavier and looks back at Thor. “I’m very happy to have you with me more often now, Thor. I missed you a lot over the last years.”

“I missed you too, Loki,” Thor admits, pulling his hand back too now and making a fist with it slowly. “I did a lot of dumb things, more than anyone else here probably did, but that was the worst of it. Ignoring you, taking away those times I always enjoyed so much, was really, really dumb.”

“You are not dumb, even if you can be a bit of an oaf,” Loki chuckles. “I like the way you are though, I wouldn’t want you to change.”

“I hurt you with that, didn’t I?” Thor asks, more regret in his eyes than Loki likes to see. “I left you behind to find something that just doesn’t exist and I didn’t even see it.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Loki says, trying to tell himself that he’s speaking the truth when he knows he doesn’t. “You couldn’t be around your little brother all the time, I know that.”

“But I want to,” Thor says sincerely and takes Loki’s hand into his own again, almost harsh and demanding. “I want to be around you and spend time with you, I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

Loki smiles and shoves himself closer to Thor, leaning his head against his shoulder. Thor stays like this for a second before wrapping an arm around his brother and at this, Loki sighs contently. Thor’s embrace is like a dream coming true and with his dizzy head and the warmth coming from him, Loki can’t help but feel happy.

“Stay with me, brother,” Loki mumbles, closing his eyes. “It’s nice with you, it’s nice being close to you like this.”

“It is,” Thor sighs, after a moment shifting himself so he can lay down and keep holding Loki. “I like holding you…”

Loki can feel his mind drift away very soon from just how comfortable and soothing laying in Thor’s arms is. It’s not what he expected when this evening began, but he wants Thor to stay, he wants to be close to him and for his brother to not let him go again. Eventually, Thor’s second hand rests on Loki’s back. At this, Loki nuzzles his face against his brother’s chest, hands wrapping around his waist so he can hold him just as much.

Like this it only takes a few minutes before they are both falling asleep and it’s the happiest Loki has been in years. There is no loneliness and no yearning, just this intense feeling of comfort and of bliss that fills every part of his being and it’s all he ever wanted.

\-----

It’s almost pure how Thor and Loki slowly become closer after this night. There are shy touches, sometimes a brush of their hands or Thor’s hand caressing Loki’s back when he’s nervous. There is Loki resting his head in Thor’s lap when they sit outside and enjoy the silence and Thor holding him in his arms when they fall asleep - almost always together in the weeks that follow, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. There is nothing about this that feels wrong, it’s simply sweet and alluring and sometimes Loki just wants to explode from just how good he feels.

There isn’t anything sexual about this, nothing that would indicate in any way that it’s more than two brothers loving each other dearly. But deep down, Loki knows that there is more to this. The hints are subtle, but he was always good picking those up. When he wakes up, Thor is always a little further away from him, still holding Loki, but at the same time keeping a certain distance between them so he won’t touch Loki with his lower half. Or how his hands will always stay on Loki’s back and never move down any further, no matter how uncomfortable it is for Thor. They see each other naked of course, but never for long and never in any way that would allow when both to take advantage of the situation. 

One evening, when Loki lays in the big bath and tries to relax after a long day of training and studying new spells, he wonders if all of this is leading anywhere. He is happy the way things are of course, being so close to Thor is more than he ever dared to hope for, but he cannot turn off those thoughts about wanting more, about wanting Thor all for himself in every way possible. Is it wrong to want more? Probably. But it’s something Loki cannot stop thinking about and it consumes him whenever Thor is away.

They are close, they share their thoughts and it feels like this is deeper than anything else Loki ever experienced before. And still, in his dreams there is more, in his dreams they go beyond the point of brothers, into something that Loki craves for with everything he has and knows he could never possibly ask for without destroying what they have built up already.

With a sigh, Loki lets himself sink into the water completely, brushing his hair back when he comes back to the surface and taking a deep breath. There is so much tension in him that not even the almost steaming hot water can offer any relief. He had sparred with Thor for the first time that day, an experience that left him completely worked up in more than a physical way. Apparently being pinned down by his brother or being thrown around does more to Loki than he expected. He almost had to flee after their session in order to hide his very awkward and embarrassing boner, leaving behind a very confused Thor.

“At this rate, I will die of exhaustion just from trying to keep it together,” Loki groans, leaning against the edge of the large bath again and letting his head fall back.

After a few minutes of silence, in which Loki tried to force his mind to leave those cursed ideas it was so obsessed with, quiet steps suddenly echo from the walls around him. Loki slowly opens his eyes to see who dared to disturb him. Much to his demise, the surprised face he finds belongs to no other than his brother.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were in here,” Thor mumbles an apology, a hand almost desperately holding the towel around his hips while Loki pulls his legs towards him in a similar attempt to cover himself. “I’ll come back later.”

“No, don’t be silly,” Loki says awkwardly, forcing a laugh. He feels hot and cold at the thought alone, but it’s just a bath, right? They have bathed together for years, it’s not like it’s the first time. “You can come in, I won’t bite, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” Thor asks, making a small step forward and frowning. The bath is big enough for two of course, they wouldn’t even have to sit very close to each other, but Loki can see that his brother is hesitant. He smiles at him, trying his best to not make it look fake.

“Of course, I won’t even look, see?” Loki covers his eyes with a hand, which actually makes Thor chuckle. There’s a rustling noise when Thor drops his towel and then Loki can hear him enter the water. He presses his hand closer against his face, resisting the urge to peek through his fingers. Only when the water is still again he uncovers his eyes and looks back at Thor.

“It’s really hot,” Thor sighs, but not at all bothered. “I thought you didn’t like hot water?”

“I’m still sore and tense from you throwing me around like a ragdoll,” Loki huffs and rubs his neck slowly, rolling his head. “Didn’t expect you to go that hard on me the first time.”

“You said don’t hold back,” Thor grins and stretches his legs, brushing them slightly against Loki’s, who does the same in an attempt to ease his tension.

“Next time I say don’t hold back, hold back a little, okay?” Loki gives Thor a fake embarrassed smile, which makes his brother laugh again.

“I hope I didn’t hurt you too much,” Thor eventually says when his laughter faded. “You did leave very fast afterwards.”

“No, it’s alright, really,” Loki mumbles, looking to the side to not face Thor directly and reveal his bluff. “I just had to go somewhere urgently and couldn’t wait, sorry.”

“It was fun sparring with you, though. You were much more of a challenge than I expected.”

“I’m flattered?” Loki laughs, quite surprised by this revelation. “But somehow I doubt I will be able to beat you anytime soon.”

Loki doesn’t think he will  _ ever  _ be able to beat Thor, but he won’t admit that of course. Apart from the awkward situation their sparring had put him in, he did enjoy it too. There was just something different when he was matching up against his brother that he really enjoyed.

“I could help you with your neck if you want to,” Thor suddenly suggests, pulling Loki out of his drifting thoughts.

“What?” he asked confused, not really understanding what he was talking about.

“Your neck, it hurts, doesn’t it?” Thor smiles, raising his hands. “If the water won’t help, maybe I can make it better. You just have to say yes.”

Loki isn’t sure whether it’s a good idea to agree to this or not, given it means he will have to move closer to Thor and that alone seems like a dangerous thing to do. But his neck  _ really  _ hurts, way more than he admitted, and Thor seems to be sincere with his offer to help. It would be dumb to say no, just because he can’t keep it together.

“Okay,” Loki eventually sighs, pushing himself off the edge and moves over to Thor’s side. “But if you make it worse I’ll never speak to you again.”

“That would be a shame,” Thor smirks, reaching out with a hand. When Loki takes it he is pulled towards his brother so fast he can’t hold in a yelp at the surprise. Thor spreads his legs and spins him around effortlessly, something Loki is very thankful for because his face turns into a dark shade of red when Thor positions him between his legs. “Just try to relax, okay? I’ll make it better.”

“Easy for you to say,” Loki huffs before he can stop himself, to which Thor chuckles quietly.

“Just close your eyes and breathe,” Thor says and suddenly his fingers linger on Loki’s shoulder, coaxing a weak sigh from him. “I promise it will help.”

The second Thor begins so work on him, Loki knows it was a bad idea to allow this to happen. It feels way too good how his brother’s hands and fingers press against his skin, seemingly finding all those knots and tense parts without any effort. Loki can hardly keep his thoughts together at how his body reacts to Thor’s touch, aching for more without anything he can do against it.

Soon, Loki can’t even keep his voice under control anymore, falling into a series of embarrassing moans that make him want to disappear on the spot. He can feel his stomach tighten every time Thor’s fingers brush over his skin in search of a new spot to work on, but that’s far from the worst thing. Loki has to cover his crotch with his hands to hide the massive and awkward erection that Thor is causing. Even breathing becomes a challenge now, as if every last of his nerves is focused only on this sensation against his will.

After about a minute of trying to think of anything horrible and sad he can imagine in a vain and desperate attempt to force his erection away, Loki realizes that Thor’s touch has changed and it makes his loins flare up even more intense than before. His hands aren’t pressing anymore now, just caress Loki’s neck and shoulders in the most gentle and tender way possible and it’s more than Loki can take without going mad.

“Brother…”

The word escapes Loki’s lips before he can hold it back, a moaned plea that sounds almost like a cry. At this, finally, Thor’s hands still and a cold shiver runs down his spine.

“Too much?” Thor asks and Loki bites his lip so hard he almost draws blood, nodding frantically.

“I… I have to leave, I’m sorry,” Loki tries to move, but his position and the fact that he clutches his hard on as if his life depends on it make it impossible to do more than attempt a weak escape that gets him nowhere.

“Don’t, Loki… please…” Thor’s hands wrap around Loki’s chest, pulling him closer and Loki lets out an actual cry this time that makes him want to die of embarrassment.

“I can’t… Thor, please, let me go,” Loki begs, shifting desperately in his brother’s tight embrace that is all his body aches for. “This was a bad idea, a really bad idea…”

“I want you, Loki,” Thor purrs into Loki’s ear suddenly, stopping all attempts of his brother to escape immediately. Loki stiffens and holds his breath, torn between what he just heard and his common sense yelling that it’s not what Thor said, that it just can’t be.

“W… what…” His voice is merely a hoarse whisper, answered by a gentle brush of Thor’s lips against his neck.

“I want you, brother,” Thor repeats, more persistent this time and underlining his words with another almost kiss on Loki’s skin that makes him shudder. “I can’t hide it anymore, when you are so close all I can think of is how it would feel to do more, to go further…”

Loki’s breath is so frantic by now it almost feels like he's passing out and hearing those words is the best and worst thing that could possibly happen. When Thor moves one of his hands down, trailing his fingers over his chest and stomach, Loki nearly loses it.

“Thor, please…” he cries out, forcing himself to stop his brother's hand by pressing his own against it. “We… we can't…”

“Don't you want it too, brother?” Thor murmurs, his lips ghosting along Loki's neck and shoulders like a gentle and addictive breeze. “I heard you talking in your sleep, begging me to take you and make you mine… did I imagine all that?”

“I… I said that?” Loki's face flushes even more and his hand drops back into his lap as he stares into the room with wide eyes. He didn't know that he talked in his sleep, how can this be? How is it possible he revealed those desires without realizing it?

“I thought I was the only one,” Thor murmurs, trailing a finger along Loki's exposed neck. “That you would hate me for those thoughts, for wanting you in different ways than I should.”

Thor's hand finally reaches Loki's that rest on his lap and there's no resistance when he shoves past them and his fingers wrap around his brother's cock. Loki only lets out a shuddered moan, his head rolling back against Thor's. 

“Do you want me to touch you?” Thor asks, a voice like honey and just as sweet.

“Yes…” Loki can barely get the word out, fighting already to not cum on the spot from just how intense Thor's touch feels.

“Tell me what you want, brother.”

“You,” Loki whispers, turning his head enough to finally look into his brother's eyes again. “I always wanted you, you and nothing else…”

It's like a million fireworks go off in Loki's head when Thor leans forward and seals his lips with his own for the very first time. There is nothing to compete with this feeling, with Thor's warm and soft lips against his own, with the taste of his brother that seems to overwhelm him so perfectly that everything else ceases to exist. Loki sinks against Thor's chest, melting into their touch that he craved so badly for years now. When Thor eventually pulls back, Loki lets out a displeased sigh and pushes himself back against his brother’s chest. 

“Thor… I have to tell you something…” Loki knows he might just stop all of this the next second, but no matter how good it feels when Thor kisses or touches him, it’s impossible to deny that he is being eaten by the guilt he feels. He’s close to tears at the overwhelming happiness that he doesn’t feel he deserves and he doesn’t want this lie to stand between them and ruin what he wished for so long already.

“Whatever it is, just tell me,” Thor murmurs, pressing a kiss on Loki’s neck that coaxes another weak, trembling sigh.

“If you hate me after that I understand, but…” Loki has a hard time finding the right words without sounding desperate. Maybe because that’s exactly what he is. “I have to say it…”

“Just do it,” Thor answers, a hand slowly caressing Loki’s stomach. “Get it off your chest.”

Loki takes a deep breath, preparing himself for everything falling apart within a matter of minutes. He takes one of his hands and covers Thor’s with it, pressing it against his chest, right above his heart. It’s beating so fast now it feels like it will jump out of his throat any second and when he speaks, Loki’s voice is trembling and quiet, but he has to say it, he just has to.

“I made them leave, brother… all of them… your girlfriends didn’t leave because of you, they left because of me. I made them do it.”

“And I thought you would tell me something I don’t know already,” Thor chuckles after Loki’s shameful confession and for a moment, all Loki can do is stare into the distance, completely baffled. Did he just hear what he thinks he heard?

“I… what? What do you mean, you know?” he eventually asks, not knowing what else to say.

Before he answers, Thor suddenly moves both his hands to Loki’s hips and lifts him up. Loki turns around confused, which Thor uses to fully make his brother face him and let him down on his lap again. There is so much worry and confusion in Loki’s eyes that he barely realizes what is happening, even less so when Thor leans down and presses a tender kiss on his lips before brushing a streak of his hair out of his eyes.

“I know it was you, Loki,” Thor finally admits, smiling gently. “Not from the beginning, but one of them said something strange and I started to wonder. The last one proved I was right.”

“But… but how? Why?” Loki doesn’t understand why Thor can do any of this when he knows that he caused all of his misery in the first place. “How do you not hate me for what I did? I hurt you!”

“Did you do it to hurt me, Loki?” Thor asks, watching Loki’s eyes widen in shock.

“No! No, I would never want to hurt you!”

“Shh, I know, brother.” Thor brushes his fingers over Loki’s cheeks, his gentle expression not changing for even a second. “I know you never meant to hurt me. I didn’t understand at first, why you would make them leave me in the first place. But after the last one I started to.”

“I… I really didn’t do it to hurt you, I swear,” Loki says quietly, his gaze dropping in shame and guilt. “I thought they would… take you away from me… that you would want them more, love them more than me… I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you…”

“Loki, you could never lose me,” Thor assures his brother, carefully lifting his head up again so he can look into Loki’s sad eyes. “You are my world, you will always be. Nothing can change that.”

“Because I  _ made  _ you feel like I am,” Loki whispers sadly. “I made you feel hurt and unlovable and then used your misery to make you need me, to make you believe that you can’t live without me…”

Thor smiles even brighter at Loki’s words, his hands trailing down his brother’s neck, shoulders and sides. Nothing has changed about the tenderness of his touch or the way he looks at Loki. If anything, there is more gentleness in his eyes now than before.

“I was never able to live without you, Loki,” he says, hands resting on Loki’s hips to hold him close. “I would never allow anyone to tear us apart, because no one will ever be as important to me as you are.”

“Not even when I hurt you so much, just so you would need me?” Loki asks, his face flushing red from just how ashamed he feels about what he has done.

“I was hurt, yes, but so were you. I left you behind to find something I never needed, just because I thought I had to do it, and I didn’t see what I did to you with that.”

“Aren’t you mad at me?” Loki asks, a hint of hope in his voice. “Aren’t you mad I put my own wishes over your happiness and made you sad just so I could be with you somehow?”

“I love you, Loki,” Thor says, kissing his brother’s lips sweetly. “I will always love you, I will always need you.” He presses another kiss on Loki’s cheek, longer this time and actually making the younger prince lean into the touch. “I won’t ever be mad at you for wanting me close, for wanting me to love you like you deserve it.”

“I want you, brother,” Loki breathes when Thor moves his lips to his neck, placing gentle kisses on his skin and sucking those sensitive parts in the most delicious ways. “I want you for myself, only you. I want you to be mine, even if it’s wrong. You are all I want and need, I can’t stand the thought of anyone else touching you, kissing you… loving you the way I want to love you…”

“No one will,” Thor promises, underlining his words with a playful bite into Loki’s shoulder. “None of these girls meant what you mean to be, Loki. They never did. Let me have you, let me show you that you are the one I long for, the one I want to hold and feel and make mine.”

“Yes,” Loki sighs, his head spinning from Thor’s words and his touch alike. He wants this, wants it more than he ever wanted anything else. It feels so incredible when Thor touches him, kisses him and says those things. He doesn’t want his brother to stop anymore, no matter the consequences. “I want to be yours, please, brother…”

As if he had waited for Loki to say this, one of Thor’s hands moves down to his ass and squeezes it teasingly. Loki can’t hold back the excited moan that escaped his throat at just how much he truly wants this to happen after all this time.

Thor knows Loki never did this before, it shows by just how careful and slow he is with him. The hot water helps a lot to make Loki relax, but there is still this slight sting when Thor’s fingers push into him for the first time and he can’t help but hold onto his brother to steady himself, burying his face against the crook of Thor’s neck. There are more kisses - on his cheek, his temple, his head - and tender words that make him slowly relax against Thor.

“You feel so perfect, Loki,” Thor whispers at one point, earning a shudder and another sweet and muffled moan when he pushes his two fingers deeper into Loki’s heat. “Look at you, how beautiful you are when you are all flustered.”

“I can’t see myself, silly,” Loki chuckles against his will, surprised by how easy Thor makes him giddy even when he feels all messed up and helpless.

“But I can and you are everything I could wish for,” Thor murmurs, lifting Loki’s chin up with one finger to drown him in another kiss that blows all of Loki’s thoughts away within a matter of seconds. It feels so obscene when he moans into his brother’s mouth as he’s split open by his fingers, but Thor  _ is  _ right, this is all he could ever wish for.

“I want to feel you,” Loki purrs when Thor finally breaks their kiss, his voice so hoarse he barely recognizes it himself.

“Just relax,” Thor says and retreats his fingers, leaving his brother with a strange, empty feeling that he has never experienced before. Loki immediately shifts so he is in a better position, without even thinking about what he does. He just wants Thor, wants him in every way possible, and the sheer thrill of him grabbing his hips to let him down just right is enough to make him moan again.

It feels a little like he’s dying when Thor begins pushing into him, but not in a bad way at all. There is just this overwhelming and otherworldly pleasure Loki isn’t used to and this feeling of being split in half by Thor’s cock that he can barely hold it together. With his arms wrapped around his brother’s neck and his face against his shoulder, Loki breathes as slow and calm as he can through the sensation, glad that Thor picks up on his discomfort and soothes him the best he can. Thor’s hands on his back help a lot, but more do his lips on him, kissing every spot they can reach while he’s holding him tight against his chest.

“Tell me how you feel, brother,” Thor whispers, being rewarded with a shuddered moan before his brother is able to find the bit of his voice that is left.

“Incredible,” Loki moans quietly, rolling his hips slightly to show he means it. “It hurts but it… it feels so good…  _ you  _ feel so good…”

“I love you so much, Loki,” Thor purrs the sweetest words for Loki’s ears, who can’t help but kiss Thor this time, slow and tender and with everything he has. He has tears in his eyes but he doesn’t care, nothing matters but the sheer perfection that his brother is close to him,  _ inside  _ of him, and saying what he always wanted to hear.

“Make me yours, brother,” Loki murmurs, pushing back against Thor’s cock the best he can without letting go of their tight embrace. “I want you to be all I know anymore, all I can feel.”

It only takes one harsh thrust for Thor to make his brother cry out with the pleasure of taking him completely after those words. For a second, every nerve in Loki’s body tenses up, his head almost exploding from how absolutely intense this sensation feels. When he slowly manages to relax again, Thor’s hands are cradling his thighs to help him calm down, which immediately makes Loki smile weakly.

“Norns, yes!” Loki moans after a few moments of adjusting, pushing himself as hard against Thor’s cock. All the pain from being stretched like this is gone and what’s left is just this incredible pleasure and the lightness that it causes in his head. Even his fingers are tingling, something that he never had happen before and making him dig his nails deep into Thor’s back. “Brother, please…”

“Shh, I got you,” Thor whispers, slowly lifting Loki up before letting him down again. There is no pressure in his movements, but it’s so extremely sensual and overwhelming that Loki is left panting against him. He tries to say something, but the words are stuck in his throat and all he can do is look into Thor’s eyes with his darkened green ones, rendered speechless. “Just breathe and let it happen.”

And Loki tries to, he really does. When Thor starts moving inside him it feels like he’s going to explode from this absolute bliss. His own cock rubs against Thor’s stomach, increasing the desperate pleasure that takes over him with each new thrust, with each new wave of fire rushing through his body. There is nothing he can do, nothing he can even think. There’s just the perfection of Thor inside of him, of feeling his heat and thickness filling him to the brink and leaving no place for anything but mindless pleasure. The water feels cold compared to Thor and Loki loves every second of it more than he could ever put into words.

Soon, Loki’s moans echo from the walls, mixing with his brother’s almost animalistic and lustful groans and there has never been a sweeter sound in his ears. It doesn’t take long before Loki can’t even keep himself up anymore and instead has to lean against Thor’s chest when he speeds up his thrusts. It’s just so much, way too much to keep any control of himself, and every time Thor pushes into him he hits a spot that makes Loki’s limbs tremble and his stomach turn, which is the most amazing feeling he has ever had.

“Thor… I… I…” Loki’s voice is cut off when his orgasm hits him like a lightning strike, making him throw his head back and literally scream out his pleasure that is too much to keep inside. He doesn’t feel how Thor’s thrusts become erratic and almost brutal, how his brother taking him draws out his high in every possible way before Thor cums too, spilling his hot seed deep into him. Only at this, Loki regains part of his consciousness, barely enough to feel his stomach coil at being claimed like this.

Loki is so lost in the moment that he can’t even kiss back when Thor’s lips are suddenly on his own, devouring him in ways that he couldn’t have come up even in his wildest dreams. When he finally snaps out of it enough to fully enjoy his brother ravishing him like this, Thor already pulls back, leaving Loki desperate for more. He doesn’t hesitate to pull Thor into another kiss, pushing his hips down to show him just how much he wants this to continue as long as possible. 

There is no way to tell when they pulled apart and Thor pulled Loki into his arms to hold him. It all merges into a single moment of bliss, of feeling his brother so close, but Loki doesn’t mind at all. At one point, Thor runs his fingers through his hair, gently kissing his forehead, which makes Loki look up at him with all the love he feels in his heart.

“I will never, ever, let you go again, Loki,” Thor promises, holding his brother like a precious treasure against him. “You are all I need, brother.”

“Just hold me and let me believe this is forever,” Loki whispers, his arms wrapping around Thor’s waist and keeping him pressed tight against him.

“It will be forever as long as I have a say in it,” Thor assures him and this, more than anything else that happened this day, gives Loki hope. He never wants to lose Thor again, never wants to go a day without him anymore. Thor is his life and it feels like his existence finally got a meaning again. He won’t give this up, no matter what.


End file.
